Wednesday, 18 April 2012

a lesson from a two years old

The twins are now more than two years old. From time to time they keep competing and fighting for some objects. In those occassions there is some violence, in the form of biting or scratching the other. As they have not seen this in other people during their lifetime, I have to conclude that it is a "genetic" beheavior, something in their genes, a reflex written from our evolutionary past.

So far I have tried to be calm in these occassions. It would be contradictory to use violence to teach them they should not be violent. I have tried that they see the suffering and pain caused in the other brother by their actions. Or I have asked them to look into my eyes while telling them I do not like they hurt each other.

But this behavior has continued happening, although occassionally.

The other morning, maybe because its repetition (there is always a "repetition" factor in our irritations), maybe because I had not slept enough (it seems it is our responsability to be well to relate well), one of those actions brought anger in me. I went for one of the twins, I grabbed him quite firmly and I raised my voiced to say "No". He was scared. I was using violence to teach non-violence, a contradiction (although frequently used with us). He closed his eyes, bent his head back, and I saw a expression of pain in his small mouth. He was hurt. By me.

At the beginning I thought I was right, but later a feeling of pain and sadness invaded me.

He had taught me two lessons:
- violence only engenders pain, in both sides. The incident produced deep pain in me and in him.
- It is quite easy to hurt a child.
- Violence can never teach non-violence.

He had been a master, taught me some good lessons. I am sorry. I have learned easy is to be angry and how difficult to be compassionate......

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